*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bhikhari- “Das paise ka sawaal hai baabu, das paise ka|”
Baabu- “Wo to mai deta hoon, lekin pehle sawaal to poocho|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Shikshak- “Kya koi aadmi andhere me bhi dekh sakta hai?”
Ek Chatra- “Haan Sir, meri mummy dekh sakti hai|”
Shikshak- “Kaise?”
Chatra- “Kal raat cinema hall ke andhere me ve papa
se kah rahi thi ki tumhari dhaadi bahut badh gayi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Aath saal ki bachi ne apni maa se poocha- “Mummy, Rani Elizabeth ko yah kaise pata chala ki unko bacha hone waala hai?”
Isse pehle ki maa koi jawaab deti, sabse choti bachi kah uthi- “Sabhi akhbaaro me chapa tha ki Rani ko bacha hone waala hai| Kya tum samajhti ho ki Rani akhbaar nahi padti hogi?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bachi ko jor-jor se roti dekhkar maa ne poocha- “kyo roti ho?”
Bachi- “Bhaiya ne meri gudiya tod di|”
Maa- “Kaise? Kaise tod di?”
Bachi- “Maine gudiya uske sir par maari thi?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek Maa boli- “Galiyo me khel-khelkar bache
kitne gande ho jaate hai|”
Doosri Maa- “Haan, behanji| Ab dekho na,
das bacho ke muh dhone pade, tab kahi
jaakar mai apne guddu ko pehchaan payi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Seeta- “Behan, bartan saaf karne ke liye sabse
achi kaun-si cheej hai?”
Geeta- “Maine bartan saaf karne ke liye bahut-si
cheeje istmaal ki, par pati se acha kisi ko nahi paya|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pati- “Mai ghante-bhar se tumhe samjha raha hoon
aur tumhari samajh me baat nahi aa rahi hai|
Tumhare dimaag me to gobar bhara hua hai|”
Patni- “Aur aap use ghante-bhar se chaat rahe hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Master- “Rinku, kya kar rahe ho? Padh rahe ho kya?”
Rinku- “Ji nahi Shrimaan, mai apki baat sun raha hu|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek Sajjan ne ek saat varsheeya ladki se poocha-
“Tumhare baal vaakai bahut sundar hai| Ye tumhe
kisse mile hai, mummy se ya papa se?”
Ladki- “Jaha tak mera khyaal hai, mujhe ye baal mere
papa se mile hai, kyonki unke sir ke saare baal gaayab hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Patni- “Aap hi is company ki boss hai na?”
Boss ne hairani se poocha- “Are! Aapne kaise anumaan lagaya?”
Patni- “Bahut aasaan tha| Mere pati ghar me bacho ko hansane ke liye aapki hi harkato ki nakal kiya karte hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
School se lautne ke baad Santa ne maa ko bataya-
“Lagta hai, hamari Teacher kabhi nahi nahati|”
Maa- “Tumne aisa kaise samajha?”
Santa- “Vah kah rahi thi ki unhone aaj tak aisa koi
bhi kaam nahi kiya, jo sabke saamne nahi kar sakti|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Nanhi bachi- “Dadiji, kya aap acting bhi karti hai?”
Dadi- “Nahi to, lekin kyo?”
Bachi- “Subah maa pitaji se kah rahi thi ki yadi aap yaha rahi to drama to jaroor hoga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Maa- “Itne dino se tum apne premi ke saath ghoom
rahi ho, vah shaadi ke liye kuch nahi bolta,
aakhir vah chahta kya hai?”
Beti- “Pata nahi maa, jyada samay vah mujhe
andhere me hi rakhta hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Bus Driver Ramu ko apni seat par baitha dekhkar
bola- “Are, utho shaitaan, meri seat par kyo baitha hai?”
Ramu- “Driver uncle, mai sabse pehle aaya tha|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Jigyasu bache ne poocha- “Mummy, aap papa ko kaha mili?”
Maa- “Ek picnic me|”
Bacha- “Kya mai aapke saath tha?”
Maa- ‘Nahi, jab gayi thi to tum nahi the,
lekin jab mai lauti to tum saath aaye the|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Adhyapika- “Jo kaam tumne nahi kiya, uske liye
tumhe saja bhi nahi milegi|”
Rinki- “Dhanyavad Madam, aaj mai homework bhool gayi hoon|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Adhyapak- “Kya tum kisi badi ladai ke baare me jaante ho?
Ramesh- “Ji haan, lekin baat yah hai ki mummy ne ghar ki baate baahar batane se mana kiya hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Master- “Rakesh, suna hai, tumhare ghar me naya baby aaya hai?”
Rakesh- “Ji, naya kyo kehte hai aap? Jab rota hai
to aisa lagta hai ki barso se rona seekhta raha hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Maa- “Rinku, tum bure bacho ke saath kyo khelte ho,
ache bacho ke saath kyo nahi khelte?”
Rinku- “Maa, un ache bacho ki maatao ne apne
bacho ko mere saath khelne se mana kar diya hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek school me teen bhai padhte the| Inspector ne muaayne ke waqt sabse chote bhai se poocha- “Tumhare bhaiyo ke mooche nahi hai, par tumhare kyo hai, jabki tum sabse chote ho?”
Chote bhai ne jawaab diya- “Meri shakal Papa par hai aur un dono ki shakal Maa par|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Praathmik upchar ki pariksha chal rahi thi| Parikshak ne ek vidhyarthi se poocha- “Agar sadak par koi behosh pada aadmi dikh jaye, to aap kya karenge?”
Santa- “Mai use thodi-si brandy doonga|”
Parikshak- “Yadi us waqt aapke paas brandy na ho tab?”
Santa- “To brandy dene ka aashvasan doonga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek Chote ladke ne apne adhyapak ko chunauti dete huye poocha- “Agar George Washington sachmuch ek imaandaar vyakti the, to unke janamdin par banko ko kyo band rakha jaata hai?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Master- “Batao, gadhe aur manushya me kya fark hai?”
Vidhyarthi- “Manushya ko gadha kaha ja sakta hai,
parantu gadhe ko manushya nahi kaha ja sakta|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Adhyapak- “Bacho, mil-julkar kaam karna achi baat hai|”
Chaatra- “Lekin sir, pariksha me aap hi hame mil-julkar kaam nahi karne dete|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Maine talaak dene ki or pehla kadam utha liya hai|”
Banta- “Vah kaise?”
Santa- “Maine shaadi kar li hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Train me saamne ki seat par baithe pati chew gum chaba rahe the| Kaafi der baad saamne ki seat par baithi unki patni boli- “Darling, I am sorry, tum itni der se mujhse bole ja rahe ho, par mai jawaab nahi de rahi hoon| Mere beherepan me yahi to musibat hai, jara jor-jor se bole|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pati- “Abhi Reena ki shaadi ki jaldi hi kya hai?
Bahut samay pada hai| Jab tak koi acha ladka na mil jaye, tab tak hame pratiksha karni chahiye|”
Patni- “Pratiksha bhi kab tak ki ja sakti hai, jab mai
Reena ki umra ki thi, tab mere ghar waalo ne hi acha
ladka talaash karne ki koshish kaha ki thi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Maa- “Beta, tumhaara office ka kaam kaisa chal raha hai| Sab thik to hai na?”
Beta- “Mere neeche pachees aadmi kaam karte hai maa|”
Maa khushi se- “To kya mera beta vaha bada
Officer ban gaya hai?”
Beta- “Nahi! Darahsal mai Upri manjil me kaam karta hoon|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek nai-nai dulhan ne apne pati se poocha- “Yadi mai kabhi moti ho jau to kya tab bhi tum mujhe chahte rahoge?”
Pati- “Kabhi nahi| Maine kewal ache-bure dino me saath dene ka vachan diya hai| Mote-patle ki koi baat nahi hui thi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Putra- “Papa! Sadak banane me kin-kin cheejo ki jarurat hoti hai?”
Pita- “Aaj to sawaal pooch-poochkar tune tang hi kar dala, yadi itne hi sawaal maine apne papa se kiye hote to kya hota batao?”
Putra- “Aapko mere sawaalo ke jawaab dene aa jaate|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Ab mai kisi ladki ke saamne shaadi ki
baat nahi rakhunga|”
Banta- “Kyo… Kya phir kisi ne mana kar diya?”
Santa- “Nahi yaar, ek ladki ne sweekar kar liya hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Office me patni ki chithi aayi| Apne maayke se bheji thi| Pati ka mitra patra me jhaankne laga to pati ne liphapha uske saamne daal diya- “Lo, padh lo|”
Mitra ne dekha to chaukkar bola- “Isme to saada kaagaj hai yaar|”
Pati- “Haan| Aajkal hamaari bolchaal band hai|
Vah jhagda karke ghar se gayi hai|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Premi- “Chalo, cinema chalte hai| Pichli seat
ka ticket le lenge|”
Premika- “Agar pichli seat ka ticket na mila to?”
Premi- “To phir film hi dekh lenge|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Patni pyaar se- “Khaana ban gaya hai| Garm-garm
phulke khakar jaaiye|”
Pati- “Burnol (antiseptic cream) hai ghar me?”
Patni- “Haan|”
Pati- “Phir to kha lunga|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek vidhwa ne apne swargiya pati ki kabra par lage pathar par likhvaya- “Yaha aaraam karta hai vah pati,
jo apni patni ke liye paanch laakh rupye chod gaya aur jisne shehar ke saare patiyo ke liye ek misaal chodi|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Santa- “Jis din meri patni aayi usi din mera
khajaanchi mere kuch rupaye lekar bhaag gaya|”
Banta- “Tum nahi jaante ki musibat kabhi
akele nahi aati|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek khoobsurat stree jaasusi upanyaas padte-padte
apne pati se poochne lagi- “yadi koi khoobsurat
ladka mujhe bhagakar le jaye to tum kya karoge?”
Pati- “Mai usse kahunga, khuda ke bande, bhagakar
le jaane ki kya jarurat hai, aaram se le jao|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Ek pustak ke pehle panne par likha hai- “Mohabbat ke maare ko aatmahatya se rokne ka sabse aasaan upaay hai, shaadi|”
Aur usi pustak ke sabse aakhiri panne par likha hai- “shaadi se bachne ka bas ek hi upaay hai aur vah hai aatmahatya|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Maa- “Beta, koyle nahi hai, roti kaise banegi?”
Beta- “Chaaval bana lena, maa|”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Seeta- “Hamaare ghar me saara saamaan imported
yaani videshi hai|”
Geeta- “Aur aapke pati…?”
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Suhani Sharma

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...